WHAT WOMEN WANT

#1 Foreplay. It is not a privilege, it is a birthright.

#2 If you take us out to a fancy restaurant, don’t try and steer us away from the lobster.

#3 Less carry on about our power and sanctity as being lifegivers, and let’s get some reliable and affordable childcare.

#4 Equal work for equal pay. Look around you guys. Look at, say, Kevin, the brain-dead tosser in the cubicle next to you. You could shake Kevin because he is such a slack and worthless idiot. Now imagine making 30% less than Kevin.

#5 This one is very important. When you’re having sex with us, don’t ask “Who’s your daddy?” Even as a joke. It’s not funny.

#6 And while we’re on the subject of sex, don’t ask us if we’ve come. You’re a big boy Clouseau, you should be able to tell.

#7 A law passed that makes it compulsory for all over-the-hill rockstars to have women their own age in their videos.

#8 When our mouths move, pay attention. Words could be coming out. Words are kind of important.

#9 Don’t tell us how to merge and we won’t tell you how to ask for directions.

#10 When we catch you cheating on us, and we cut your dick off in your sleep, take it like a man.

So there you have it – we want equal pay, fair treatment, respect, patience, and a genuine effort at understanding who we really are.

And if that’s too much, how about a diamond the size of your head?